The Miko's Shinobi
by madmiko
Summary: This will be a compilation of one-shots and drabbles featuring IY's Kagome and various characters from Naruto. Mostly rated T, but there may be a few rated M. Some humor, but some drama.
1. Chapter 1

Gai/Kagome  
Why does Gai wear that green spandex outfit?  
I don't own the characters.

Goddess

Gai strode youthfully down the street alongside Kakashi on his way to meet their students at the training grounds when someone called his name. Turning in the direction of the voice, he spread his arms wide just in time to catch the small woman who was barreling toward him at a rapid pace.

Kakashi thought about continuing on his way and leaving Gai behind, but he had to admit he couldn't tear himself away whenever Kagome was around. Not only was she incredibly beautiful, but she was also rather sweet and adorable, not to mention kind, smart, strong, and one of the best cooks in the village. She also had a delightful sense of humor. When she moved to Konoha a few years ago, she had befriended everyone who crossed her path. There was something charismatic about her cheerfulness which just made everyone around her feel that way, too. To top it all off, she had even bought him the latest book in the _Icha Icha_ series for his birthday and highlighted the passages she thought he would find particularly interesting. She was definitely one of a kind, a goddess. Really, when he thought about it, she honestly was the perfect woman. Or she would be if it weren't for one flaw. And the fact that she was Gai's wife.

"Well, if it isn't my little peach blossom! Your smile puts the sun to shame!"

"Aren't you sweet?" she laughed as he lifted her up and twirled around with her in his arms. "You forgot to tell me what you want for dinner. Hello, Kakashi!"

The copy nin nodded slightly to acknowledge her greeting.

Still holding her off the ground, Gai proclaimed, "How can I possibly think about food when I'm in the presence of your radiant youth? Whatever you fix is bound to be spectacular, my sweet apple dumpling."

Kagome giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You may say you can't think of food in my presence, but your endearments get increasingly food-related when you're hungry. Are you sure you don't have time for lunch?"

Setting her feet back on the ground, but keeping his hands on her waist, Gai gave her a wistful look. "Honeybun, I wish I did have time for lunch, but I wouldn't waste that time on something as mundane as food. I would exercise my youth instead, if you know what I mean," he said, waggling his eyebrows at her.

Seeing the blush on Kagome's cheeks, Kakashi sighed and discreetly stepped back a few steps, looking around to see if anyone else was nearby. He had been around them enough to know what was coming and he would clear away any spectators if he had to, though he thought he had taken care of the problem. No one else needed to know about the one incontrovertible flaw in his perfect woman, his goddess.

"I'll be sure to fix you something nice and sweet for dessert," Kagome whispered as she reached up and cupped Gai's face in her hands and playfully kissed the tip of his nose.

"The only thing I want for dessert is you, my little sugarplum," her husband declared, lifting her in his arms again and kissing her passionately. Kagome responded by locking her arms around his neck and wrapping her legs around his waist.

And there it was. Kakashi sighed again. For some inexplicable reason, his goddess' brain always turned to mush when Gai kissed her. It didn't matter where or when it happened, either. It was like someone flipped a switch and the sweet, adorable little woman became an insatiable, lustful wanton. She would be Kakashi's dream come true and he would gladly tolerate her flaw if her lustful intent were focused on _him_ instead of his would-be rival.

The first time he witnessed this bizarre phenomenon, they had invited him to dinner. He and Gai were already sitting at the table when Kagome brought them something to drink. When she handed Gai his glass and sat down next to him, he had thanked her and leaned over and kissed her. The next thing Kakashi knew, Kagome had straddled Gai's lap and pulled his shirt over his head. He thought they were playing a prank on him at first, until the chair tipped over and she started kissing her way down the man's neck. He had dived out the window. He wasn't sure what was worse—the shock of seeing that his goddess really _was_ the woman of his dreams and knowing she was permanently out of his reach or having Gai smile and apologize for their _youthfulness_ with a wink the next day. Whatever the case, he knew he couldn't let anyone else find out just how incredible the other man's luck really was or they might start thinking Gai was actually way ahead in their rivalry.

And so, he hung around to open closet doors for them to stumble into or have a clone create a diversion whenever the need arose. He had even had to shove the couple into his bathroom and usher the rest of their friends out of his apartment at a Christmas get-together because someone had tied some mistletoe up in his living room. Gai had merely leaned down and kissed his wife gently and the next thing Kakashi knew, she had backed her husband up against a wall and started unbuttoning his shirt. Kakashi had quickly told everyone else to evacuate because he smelled smoke. That was when he knew what to give Gai for Christmas. It was a few years later now, but he still got a bit of perverted satisfaction out of his gift.

He heard a low, feminine growl of frustration and was relieved to see Kagome unwrap herself from the man in green. Heaving a large sigh, she grumbled, "Do you _have_ to wear that outfit?"

"Ah, my little buttercup, you know it was a gift from Kakashi, signifying his eternal admiration and respect for our rivalry. I will forever honor our friendship by wearing it," he declared.

"I know, and it was really sweet of him, but it's impossible to get it off of you," she pouted.

Kakashi smiled to himself.

"I'll tell you what, to make it up to you, I promise to make you shout my name six times before dinner tonight. If I can't do that, I will let you ride me for two hours before I find my own release. If I can't do that, I will pleasure you with my tongue for three hours. If I can't do that, I will take you over and over again until you can't walk tomorrow."

His smile fell. That might explain why she was always so cheerful. Well, he supposed he would just have to take solace in the fact that while everyone agreed that Gai was one lucky guy, they had _no idea_ just how lucky he truly was.

The next day, he saw Gai carrying Kagome through the marketplace. She really was a goddess.


	2. Chapter 2 Whose Turn Is It?

Naruto and the guys figure out a way to get Kagome to kiss them.  
I don't own the rights to these characters.

Whose Turn Is It?

Shikamaru looked up at the stars, thinking their display was every bit as majestic and magical as the fireworks from a little while ago. He knew he would have to get up and join the others soon. In fact, he was a little surprised none of them had interrupted the peaceful solitude of the grassy hillside where he was currently reclined to nag him into watching the fireworks from the crowded streets in the center of the village. He congratulated himself on successfully sneaking away into the shadows and making his way here alone after the parade had gone by. However, he resigned himself to being jostled about by the throngs of people and having his ears assaulted by loud music and even louder friends for the next several hours. These festivals were always such a drag.

"There you are! I've been looking everywhere! Hurry up, Shikamaru! It's almost your turn, then it will be MY turn again!"

He knew it was too good to last. Still, he was a little surprised that Naruto was the one to seek him out instead of Ino or Chouji. Sighing inwardly, he sat up and adjusted his dark brown yukata. "What are you babbling about? My turn for what?"

"To get kissed by Kagome!"

That caught his interest, and he blinked a few times before reaching up to stick a finger in his left ear to clear it in case he was hearing things. "We're taking turns getting kissed by Kagome? What have you been up to, Naruto?"

Grabbing his arm and pulling him along at a brisk pace, the blond shinobi explained, "Yeah! I came up with this brilliant plan and it's working! I told Kagome that it's a tradition in Konoha for a girl to kiss a guy to say yes when he asks her to dance at the festival," he grinned cheekily. "She's already kissed me, Neji, Kiba, Shino, Sai, and Sasuke, even though that bastard almost ruined everything by trying to drag it out too long. Chouji was getting ready to ask her to dance when I left to find you. Then it's Lee's turn and then yours. After you ask her, then it's MY turn again."

Shikamaru was a little disappointed that Naruto's plan included all of their male friends. For a minute there, he had been envisioning a bizarre scenario involving just the three of them, where Naruto mysteriously disappeared into the shadows before it was "his turn," (never to be seen or heard from again), leaving all of the kissing to the TWO of them. Too good to be true. Still, he had to give Naruto credit. None of the guys had managed to make any headway with Kagome since she had been sent to Konoha five months ago as a representative from the Hidden Moon village. To foster good relations between all of the villages, the shinobi had started an exchange program. So now, Kagome was here and Sakura was at her village.

It hadn't taken long for the pretty kunoichi to catch the eyes of most of the single male population of Konoha. She was warm and friendly and always had a kind word for everyone. She was also completely, hopelessly oblivious to any and all romantic overtures made to her. One by one, most of the male chuunin had tried to ask her for a date only for her to happily agree that yes, it would be fun for _all_ of them to have dinner together or have a picnic or go to a movie or whatever. She never seemed to realize they were asking for a _date_ and not suggesting a group activity. He was beginning to wonder if her brother, who happened to be the daimyo of the Hidden Moon village _and_ a kage-status shinobi-even though their village was outside of the Five Great Nations-had told her that Konohan shinobi had to remain celibate until they reached jounin status, and therefore didn't "date" in the traditional sense. He had met Sesshoumaru once and he wouldn't put it past him to do something like that.

As they made their way through the crowds towards the music, Shikamaru thought of a potential problem with Naruto's plan. "I know Kagome can be kind of oblivious, especially concerning someone expressing interest in her, but she isn't stupid. Why isn't she suspicious that none of the other girls are kissing guys when they ask them to dance?"

"Neji pointed that out when I told the others my plan after the parade was over, so I told her that it was a tradition for girls for their FIRST time attending this festival in Konoha. I told her that way the guys know it's her first Peach Festival here and will be extra nice, like maybe treat her to something sweet or play a game with her after the dance as a way of welcoming her to the village. She thought it was a really sweet tradition. And we told the other girls that the kissing was a tradition in _her_ village, so they won't ask her why she's doing it."

As they came to the edge of the square where the couples were dancing and joined the other guys who were standing around, Shikamaru smiled. "I will admit that was pretty clever of you, Naruto, but your plan still has a flaw." With a tilt of his head, he indicated where Kagome was walking next to Lee as he led her back to where the rest of the chuunin males were all waiting. She was thanking him for the dance and for the matcha ice he had bought her afterward, but before they reached the others, Kagome suddenly stopped and turned. Tapping on her shoulder was none other than Konohamaru. Sure enough, she smiled when he asked her to dance, and leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. Konohamaru looked surprised, but he just grinned widely as Kagome took his arm and followed him out among the dancing couples.

"What the hell?! What does that little bastard think he's doing?" Naruto yelled.

Shikamaru chuckled. "Did you really think that the only guys that would ask Kagome to dance would be the ones from our Rookie group, and Sai?"

Naruto frowned and continued to mutter and grumble under his breath. He saw the other guys were all frowning, too, as they realized their mistake. He thought he had it all planned out perfectly since they had agreed to take turns asking her to dance and to bring her back for whoever was next. He never thought about some bratty little genin getting in the way. He should have run the plan by Shikamaru first. Shaking it off, he said, "Well, I guess it doesn't matter too much if she kissed Konohamaru. That little twerp can just consider himself lucky."

"Uh, Naruto, " Shikamaru touched his shoulder to get his attention again. "I don't think Konohamaru is the problem."

Naruto looked at him quizzically. "What's the problem then?"

"That."

Naruto looked where Shikamaru was pointing. Not even waiting for the music to stop, a tall man wearing his forehead protector as a bandanna had stepped up to Kagome right as her dance with Konahamaru was ending. "No way!" Naruto whispered. Then he shouted, "No fucking way!"

All of the chuunin guys stared in shock as Genma asked Kagome to dance. She looked up at him and smiled. Then she stepped closer and reached up and took the senbon out of his mouth. His eyes widened in surprise, then a calculating gleam appeared as she placed her other hand on his cheek and stood on tiptoe to lightly press her lips to his. In the blink of an eye, they were gone.

"Holy crap! He totally thought she was coming on to him!"

"The best-laid plans of mice and men …"

"Shut up, Shikamaru!"

"It could have been worse."

"How could it possibly be any worse?"

"It could have been Kakashi."


	3. Chapter 3 Office Shenanigans

Kagome seems to have a lot of accidents around the Hokage.  
I do not own the rights to the characters.

Office Shenanigans

"I'm telling you, Miroku, I have never had such a streak of bad luck. The Hokage must think I am the clumsiest shinobi in Konoha. It's so embarrassing!" The small, dark-haired woman looked down to where her hands were resting on the table in front of her.

"Now, now, Kagome-sama, I wouldn't worry too much about it," the monk told her as he reached over and patted her hands with one of his own. "I am sure he knows you are quite capable, and he must hold you in high esteem, otherwise he wouldn't have requested you as his personal assistant." Despite his assurances, Miroku knew it wasn't her skills as a shinobi or her capability as an assistant that had caught the Hokage's eye, but he couldn't tell her that. He also knew she wasn't just having a streak of bad luck, but he couldn't tell her that, either.

Seeing the man they were talking about step into the café' and focus on where they were sitting, Miroku quickly pulled his hand back from Kagome's. The last time the Hokage had seen him touching her, he had spent three weeks in the Forest of Death documenting the different species of deadly creatures residing there. He had been lucky. When the Hokage came across Shippou hugging her, he had been sent to determine just how long a shinobi could last in the Demon Desert near Sunagakure with nothing more than a kunai and one bottle of water. Kiba still hadn't returned from his "goodwill visit" to the Land of Penguins. And he still didn't know where Genma was. He had told Kagome not to be too upset when the tokubetsu jounin didn't show up for their date last Saturday because he had probably been sent on an urgent, top-secret mission. He couldn't repress the small shudder that ran through him when he imagined where the poor man might possibly be. Miroku jumped to his feet.

"Can we help you with anything, Hokage-sama?"

Kagome smiled up at the man as he came to a stop by their table. "Yes, is there anything we can do for you?"

The Sixth briefly glanced at Miroku out of the corner of his eye before turning his full attention to the woman. The monk's shoulders drooped. He knew he would be packing to go somewhere in the next hour.

"I know this is your day off, Kagome-chan, but I was hoping you could help me with a situation that has arisen."

"Of course, Hokage-sama. I'd be glad to help," she said, rising to her feet.

"Ah-ah!" he wagged a finger at her. "What did I say about using my name? We are working much too closely together to stand on formalities."

A slight blush crept over her cheeks. "Um, yes. I forgot, Hatake-san." When he just stood there and quirked a brow at her with an obvious frown on his partially-masked face, she quietly amended it to "Kakashi."

"Much better," he declared, as his eyes crinkled, indicating a pleased smile. He took her hand and placed it around his arm as he escorted her away. Right before they reached the doorway, he stopped and turned slightly to Miroku.

"Oh, by the way, a mission has just come up. Report to my office in an hour."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Stepping into the Hokage's office the next morning to brief him on the day's intelligence reports, the sight that greeted Shikamaru's eyes when he opened the door should have surprised him, but it didn't. Down on the floor on the other side of the desk was a very feminine form on her hands and knees with the Sixth Hokage right behind her, also on his knees, leaning over her back and directing her movements.

"To your left. A little more. Ah! Right there!" a low masculine voice directed.

"Yes! Oh, thank you!"

"Ahem," Shikamaru cleared his throat.

He heard a thump as the woman hit her head on the desk. "Ouch!"

Kakashi grasped her by her hips and slid her backwards until she was clear of the desk. Then, letting his hands slide up her sides until his fingers were barely grazing the undersides of her breasts, he helped her straighten up as she rubbed the back of her head with one hand. Getting to his feet and standing, he reached for her other hand and helped her up.

"I just don't understand how my hairpin ended up so far under your desk. I could have sworn I had it pinned in tightly," she frowned.

"Perhaps you secured it a bit _too_ tightly, so it sprung and bounced when it hit the floor+," the Hokage suggested.

"I suppose so. Thank you so much for helping me find it—it was a gift from my mother. Sorry to have caused you so much trouble."

Shikamaru scowled at the Hokage. Seriously? He had snatched the pin out of her hair and tossed it under his desk? Last week he had caught Kakashi hammering a nail into the side of his desk for no apparent reason. He found out why later. The former copy nin must have surreptitiously hooked a piece of her skirt over the nail when she got close to the desk. Then when she had moved away, her skirt ripped from her hip all the way to the hem, exposing an eye-popping amount of leg and the lacey edge of her black panties. The week before that, she had loaned Kakashi her ink pen, and when she put it back into the breast pocket on her jacket, ink had leaked all over her jacket and blouse. Naturally, the Sixth Hokage had been quick to try to help her by wiping at the ink with a handkerchief. (As if Kakashi ever carried a handkerchief with him before in his life.) That was just a day or two after she somehow bumped into his chair while carrying an armful of papers and files, resulting in him having several minutes of unrestricted ogling of her bountiful cleavage while she bent down to pick everything back up. Kagome had been very embarrassed and just didn't understand how she could have walked right into his chair when she had been sure it was several feet away.

It was getting dangerous for Kagome Higurashi to come to work these days. She was going to start thinking she had fallen under a curse. After each incident, she would apologize for being careless or clumsy and Kakashi would take her hands in his and be all sympathetic and understanding. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and shook his head when Kakashi glanced his way. Of course, half of the male shinobi of Konoha were having even worse luck than she was. They weren't going to have anyone left to send if any real missions came in. How long was the Hokage going to engage in these hijinks before exposing his endgame? It was all very troublesome and was giving him a headache.

"Are you ready to hear the reports?"

"I suppose so. Would you be so kind as to bring me a cup of coffee, Kagome-chan?" he asked.

"Of course, Kakashi-san. I mean, Kakashi," she quickly corrected herself.

"Thank you," his eyes crinkled above his mask again.

After she had left, Shikamaru sighed. "I hope you aren't going to make her spill it on herself."

"I haven't the slightest idea what you are talking about. However, if she were to have a little accident, I do happen to have a towel right here," he indicated the top drawer of his desk.

"Just ask her for a date already."

When Miroku returned two weeks later, he ran into Shikamaru as he was coming to report in at the Hokage Tower. "So, how has the campaign been going? Did I miss anything?" he asked with a grin.

"Kakashi : 17, Kagome: still clueless. And 6 shinobi out on made-up missions. I really can't believe she hasn't caught on to his shenanigans yet. He outdid himself a couple of days ago. I had a question for him about a _legitimate_ mission, and when I opened the door, I saw him lean back in his chair and _throw a kunai_ to trip her so she landed completely sprawled all over him. He managed to retrieve the kunai and shoo me off without her being any the wiser, all the while running his hands all over her to check for any injuries."

Miroku laughed as they approached Kagome's desk outside Kakashi's office. "Not very subtle, but I have to admit, I like his style."

Just then, Kakashi opened the door. "Kagome-chan, could you come in here please? I need your help with another situation that has arisen."

"Of course, Hokage-sa … er, Kakashi," she said, as a blush quickly colored her cheeks.

Seeing the two men standing there in the hallway, Kakashi dismissed them. "Come back in an hour. No, make it two." And he turned on his heel and followed Kagome into the office, slamming the door shut.

Unbelievable! Shikamaru closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. This really was too troublesome for words. Shaking his head, he heaved a loud sigh. "That poor girl. I can't even imagine what he's planning now, but I sure don't see how she could blame it on _bad luck._"

"What makes you say that?"

"Didn't you see his silhouette when he turned? That lecher isn't wearing anything under his Hokage cape."

"Really? How interesting," Miroku smiled. "I'm afraid I didn't notice. I was too distracted by the fact that Kagome isn't wearing any panties under her skirt."


End file.
